broken and molded

2010-12-31T23:39:00.002-05:00

somehow i found my way back here tonight.

it's new year's eve on the last night of the decade...and what a decade it has been. i began it preparing to graduate from high school and am concluding it as a mother. there have been countless experiences....love and loss, failure and success.

here's to new beginnings.

2008-12-20T08:53:00.002-05:00

it's been awhile.

i am literally dreaming of next wednesday at 7:30 pm. this season has been wonderfully exhausting.

the jewett clan will all be together on christmas day, a feat in and of itself. daniel will be with us too, an added canadian blessing.

i am remembering christmases past...before jack and flo died...in other cities...in what seems like another lifetime. i think about where we all were 5 years ago, and 10 years ago. and then i realize that i must be getting older if i think about memories in terms of decades.

my dad just turned 61. this is hard to believe. and as i keep hearing, the man needs some grandkids. not to leave my mom out of that....if she doesn't get a grandchild soon, she may run off with brody. seriously, jess, lock up your kid.

so....anna and justin? it's time to get on it.

merry christmas to everyone.

2008-12-07T00:32:00.000-05:00

2008-09-16T12:09:00.003-05:00

2008-07-13T15:04:00.002-05:00

current favorite:

2008-06-10T15:30:00.000-05:00

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars
or sailed an uncharted land,
or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.

Helen Keller

2008-05-23T19:48:00.004-05:00

i have picked up a digging habit from my husband.

i came across this tonight and i am glad i did:

--

25 Ways to Help a Fellow Human Being Today

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Dalai Lama

Too often the trend in our society is for people to be separated from either other, to be cut off from the great mass of humanity, and in doing so to be dehumanized a little bit more with each step.

Cars have taken us off the streets, where we used to greet each other and stop to chat. Cubicles have taken away a bit of the humanity in working, as have factories and even computers to some extent.

Television has planted us firmly in our living rooms, instead of out with other people. Even movie theaters, where many people get together, cut us off from true conversation because we’re staring at a big screen.

And while I’m not railing against any of these inventions (except perhaps the cubicle), what we must guard against is the tendency of that individuality to have us focused on ourselves to the exclusion of our fellow human beings. The tendency towards selfishness rather than giving, on helping ourselves rather than helping our brothers and sisters in humanity.

I’m not saying we’re all like that, but it can happen, if we’re not careful.

So strike back against the selfishness and greed of our modern world, and help out a fellow human being today. Not next month, but today.

Helping a fellow human being, while it can be inconvenient, has a few humble advantages:

It makes you feel better about yourself;
It connects you with another person, at least for a moment, if not for life;
It improves the life of another, at least a little;
It makes the world a better place, one little step at a time;
And if that kindness is passed on, it can multiply, and multipy.

-- above taken from zenhabits.com -- click here for the rest--

far too often, i get caught up in my own issues, work, concerns and don't really see those around me, much less connect with them.

the post went on with a list of ideas on how to connect, think of others and show simple kindnesses to those in our sphere. many of the things on that list made me think of my friend kristy, who has one of the kindest and most compassionate spirits of anyone i know. kristy, you often inspire me.

today i will try to be a blessing, and be blessed.

2008-04-30T00:49:00.008-05:00

WARNING: "That liberal Jewett girl" is about to go off.
Don't read on if that scares you.

I recently received this video in an email from a friend I dearly love but with whom I do not typically see eye to eye with politically.

I don't know who I will ultimately vote for. But I am really offended by what has been going on throughout this election and especially with regard to email smears about Obama. Many of the points in that video are SIMPLY untrue. And hate-driven.

It begins by attempting to scare people because he has "3 Islamic names" and shows a clip twice of Edward Kennedy calling him Osama bin Laden (which Rush Limbaugh also likes to do). Seriously? And making the point right off the bat that he is the child of a black man and a white woman, clearly attempting to deepen the racial divide that is so deep in this country. How is that ok?

Anyway, a few fact checks:

Obama attended a muslim school: He went to public school for 2 years in Indonesia, which is indeed a Muslim country and the schools undoubtedly reflect the dominant religion of the country. But the point of this "fact" is usually to convince people that Obama is some kind of a closet Muslim, which is just inaccurate.

John Edwards talking about his voting record - not only does it not include the context of the statement, but what did Obama say in response? They conveniently did not include anything actually said by Obama.

Che Guevara flag hanging in "Houston Obama headquarters." "This is a volunteer office that is not in any way controlled by the Obama campaign. We were disappointed to see this picture because it is both offensive to many Cuban-Americans -- and Americans of all backgrounds -- and because it does not reflect Senator Obama's views. Barack Obama has been very clear in putting forward a Cuba policy that is based on one principle: freedom for the Cuban people." -- Obama Campaign, February 12, 2008

Obama refusing to wear the American flag as a pin. "I'm less concerned about what you are wearing on your lapel than what's in your heart,' he said under a county fairgrounds pavilion here, a giant American flag draped behind him. 'You show your patriotism by how you treat your fellow Americans, especially those ones who served.' He suggested that some politicians who wear such pins act in disingenuous ways. 'After a while, you know, you start noticing people wearing a lapel pin, but not acting very patriotic, not voting to provide veterans with the resources that they need,' he said." [Chicago Tribune, 10/5/07]

Refuses to place his hand over his heart during the Star Spangled Banner. Obama said, "My grandfather taught me how to say the Pledge of Allegiance when I was 2...During the Pledge of Allegiance you put your hand over your heart. During the national anthem you sing." [AP, 11/7/07]

Michelle Obama not proud of her country. Taken so out of context. And I am frankly tired of the insistent idea that we all must be unquestioningly allegiant to a country instead of our values.

And uh oh.....gun control and welfare. Clearly un-American.

Obama will meet with hostile foreign leaders. Obama says, "If we continue to set preconditions for discussions that are hostile to us, I think that's what loses the PR battle worldwide because it implies the United States is the superior power and other states have to give in to our demands before we even deign to meet with them. And that reinforces the sense of the arrogance of U.S. power around the world, which is a source of great damage -- and makes us less safe." [Washington Post, 8/15/07]

The Rev. Wright business has been addressed incessantly in the media. Obama has denounced the majority of what Wright teaches. Not only that, but the national Republican party and John McCain have BOTH said that the ads putting Obama and that video clip side by side are an unfair comparison and asked that they be pulled off the air. In that clip they cut Obama off before he finishes responding that HE DOES repudiate the remarks. I completely agree that the majority of what Wright says is so off base it's not even funny. The greater question here is whether Obama is accountable for this man's words.

Did you notice how many minutes were devoted to Rev. Wright and Black Liberation Theology - which Obama does not subscribe to?

McCain briefly underwent the same criticisms after he was endorsed by John Hagee, famously criticized for calling Catholocism "the great whore."

Thought: As a popular Christian leader (although I really don't understand HOW), Pat Robertson is thought by many unbelievers to be the voice of Christians in our country. This is unfortunate. Since I claim to be a Christian, as he does, do his many hate-filled and un-Christian remarks automatically reflect on me?

To me, this video totally illustrates what is WRONG and why things need to change.

.

2008-03-19T17:49:00.004-05:00

brody james hedgren has arrived!

8.5 lbs, 22.5 inches long

lovelovelove my friends having babies.

2008-03-07T18:44:00.001-05:00

stripped and filled
brennan manning

the sadness of not being perfect, the discovery that you really are sinful, is a feeling much too human, even borders on idolatry.

focus your vision outside yourself on the beauty, graciousness and compassion of Jesus Christ.

the pure of heart praise him from sunrise to sundown.

even when they feel broken, feeble, distracted, insecure and uncertain, they are able to release it into his peace.

a heart like that is stripped and filled - stripped of self and filled with the fullness of God.

it is enough that Jesus is Lord.

2008-02-21T18:55:00.003-05:00

i just got a call on my cell phone that began with an automated message warning me that my car warranty just expired and although i have been sent several notices about this, i have not responded. "please press 1 to speak with a warranty specialist."

so i did.

woman: "good evening, may i have the year and model of your car or truck, please?

me: "i actually want to talk to someone about getting my phone number off of..."

:: click ::

she hung up on me. mid-sentence. guess that's why they don't mention their company name on the automated message....

i mean, i'm on the do-not-call list. what the heck?

2008-02-19T15:21:00.001-05:00

quickest trip to florida ever.

soooo good to spend time with friends. and brody james hedgren will make his debut any day now, and i can't wait!

man. babies everywhere!

2008-02-11T23:22:00.000-05:00

while jeff is living it up with two davids somewhere in south carolina tonight, i'm working on a direct mail piece and letting a few things simmer in my thoughts.

i am loving life. i am married to the best man i know and we have so much fun together. we are blessed to own a home that is perfect for us. i have a great job that constantly stretches and fulfills me. we get to hang out with a great group of kids who have more potential to change the world than they know. one day, we will grow our little family and our parents will have grandchildren to love. by then i'll be less of a workaholic and will embrace motherhood and all that it will bring. and life will continue to change.

.

on another note, i realized that i neglected to take pictures with jill and abby over the weekend. but i can share this:

haha....realizing that some things haven't changed.

2008-02-05T12:58:00.000-05:00

i'm so tired of hearing the first part with no thought to the second.

:: sigh ::

2008-01-31T15:50:00.000-05:00

tonight.
8 pm.

2008-01-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

i want her.

we'll see...

2008-01-25T01:14:00.000-05:00

for once, jeff is asleep on the couch while i sit here awake.

life is good. we are busy in a good way. we have several lovely trips visible on the horizon, which makes it all even better.

several celebrations lately, including work/personal for us both. one of the kids who had dropped out of school went back and we had a party. we successfully completed a $3 million-plus capital campaign and my work was a part of that. we are reminded daily why we chose each other *and keep choosing each other.*

lost returns january 31st. we may get a dog. our christmas tree is still up.

my aunt lolly died. well, lolly wasn't her real name - it was violet hasney, and she was my grandma jewett's sister. we saw her a lot growing up in florida where she would faithfully send all three of us birthday cards with a check for twenty dollars (cashable at the bank of dad). in the later years, as she started to fade, those cards would be addressed to any one of us on any given day - my favorite was when i was congratulated on my birthday in april, on anna's in september and on booth's in december. it makes me smile to tell that story.

many friends are having babies and i am happy. aunt sarah will spoil you all.

2007-12-23T08:37:00.000-05:00

upcoming events:
tonight: wake forest/va tech game with the kids
tomorrow: short work day then leaving for canada
jan 4-6: ski retreat
april 24: WICKED in charlotte because my dad is awesome.

love.

2007-11-16T10:48:00.000-05:00

it was really good to see aunt becky and uncle nestor while they were in the states. once i get the pictures from my grandomther's 83rd birthday party i will post them. she's awesome.

and you'll be glad to know that kally has been working with both mom and aunt becky on their own posing skills. see here at iguazu falls:

speaking of kally, i miss her.

but alas, she is busy with impossibly cute kids in buenos aires:

she also manages to get aunt becky and uncle nestor to let loose like kids again. which is awesome.

that's all for now. check out anna and justin's blog for pics of their life in nyc.

2007-11-12T19:10:00.000-05:00

2 things:

and

"Make the All-Dressed Flavor Ruffles Available
in the United States"

sign the petition at:

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/ruff411d/

.

2007-11-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

welcome abigail grace snelson!

3 lbs, 10.5 ounces and 15 inches long

congratulations jill and robert!

2007-10-30T13:25:00.000-05:00

happy birthday to....

What it's like to be OCD

2007-10-09T08:55:00.001-05:00

man, my brothers-in-law are freaking awesome. see justin in this one....

2007-10-07T22:34:00.001-05:00

my brother-in-law daniel is a rock star.

and he's single, last time i checked.

2007-10-01T10:21:00.001-05:00

summer from decatur, georgia says she found this note “left on a car piously parked" while attempting to attend mass on vacation in galveston, texas.

passiveagressivenotes

2007-09-30T12:34:00.000-05:00

i really hope that when i get old i am not so set in my ways that i literally don't care about anyone or anything outside of myself.

selfish "ministry" that doesn't love has no part in the body.

sometimes it really gets to me.

2007-09-24T16:01:00.000-05:00

i have this friend that is really struggling...her children's father is livid that she is suing him for child support (their oldest child together is 12....twelve years that he hasn't been paying for two kids). he said he'd kill her before paying the child support...

these aren't just stories you read in magazines.

2007-09-14T21:58:00.000-05:00

SIX RESOLUTIONS by William Booth (age 20)

1. That I will rise every morning sufficiently early to wash, dress, and have a few minutes, not less than 5, in private prayer.

2. That I will, as much as possible, avoid all that babbling and idle talk in which I have lately so sinfully indulged.

3. That I will endeavor in my conduct and deportment before the world and my fellow servants especially to conduct myself as a humble, meek and zealous follower of Christ, and by serious conversation and warning endeavor to lead them to think of their immortal souls.

4. That I will read no less than four chapters in God’s Word every day.

5. That I will strive to live closer to God, and to seek after holiness of heart and leave providential events with God.

6. That I will read over this every day or at least twice a week.

“God help me, enable me to cultivate a spirit of self-denial and to yield myself a prisoner of love to the redeemer of the world.”

2007-08-29T17:38:00.000-05:00

from "comments@whitehouse.gov"
6:35 pm (2 minutes ago)
to sej1032@gmail.com
date Aug 29, 2007 6:35 PM
mailed-by whitehouse.gov

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.

We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.

Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to every message.

Thank you again for taking the time to write.

2007-08-25T10:57:00.000-05:00

sorry, still no cell phone.

call jeff's if you need me.

2007-08-15T07:28:00.001-05:00

a 60-year old woman in guillford county died from rocky mountain spotted fever.

2007-07-26T19:35:00.000-05:00

the end of an era, and the beginning of another.

life...such is life.

sheri and ryan comes

2007-06-29T14:30:00.000-05:00

2007-04-18T17:11:00.000-05:00

i just wrote this whole entry about my day, but made the prudent decision to not click the publish button.

i'm just trying to do my job.

jobs.

2007-04-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

at this moment, i despise piedmont natural gas more than anything.

happy wednesday, everyone. hope you all had nice, hot showers this morning!

2007-04-03T18:06:00.000-05:00

older and wiser.

i would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank my sister for facilitating the best massage i have had in i-don't-know-how-long. seriously, i've had a headache all day and now it's gone....my perpetually dry skin feels quenched....and i feel as though i was poured back into a different body. so, so good.

colleen of the mike todd serenity salon and day spa = my new favorite.

thanks to all of the birthday wishes via phone call, email, myspace, facebook, etc. i have wonderful friends. and for those who forgot, all is forgiven.

i took the day off from work. it was nice. we spent the night in sanford with the gaineys, which was also nice. ella has nicknamed me "perky turkey chicken," which never failed to make me laugh.

i can't wait for my husband to get home. he forgave me for the pregnancy-related april fools joke, for which i am thankful. i love him.

25 will be a good year.

2007-03-12T19:34:00.000-05:00

congratulations to one of my bestest friends and his lovely lady....love you guys.

2007-03-10T09:00:00.001-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-03-09T08:14:00.000-05:00

"More importantly, we have observed that Cizik and others are using the global warming controversy to shift the emphasis away from the great moral issues of our time, notably the sanctity of human life, the integrity of marriage and the teaching of sexual abstinence and morality to our children."
- dr. james dobson

That is indeed the key criticism, and the foundation for the real debate. Is the fact that 30,000 children will die globally today, and everyday, from needless hunger and disease a great moral issue for evangelical Christians? How about the reality of 3 billion of God’s children living on less than $2 per day? And isn’t the still-widespread and needless poverty in our own country, the richest nation in the world, a moral scandal? What about pandemics like HIV/AIDS that wipe out whole generations and countries, or the sex trafficking of massive numbers of women and children? Should genocide in Darfur be a moral issue for Christians? And what about disastrous wars like Iraq?

And then there is, of course, the issue that got Dobson and his allies so agitated. If the scientific consensus is right - climate change is real, is caused substantially by human activity, and could result in hundreds of thousands of deaths - then isn’t that also a great moral issue? Could global warming actually be alarming evidence of human tinkering with God’s creation?

Or, are the only really "great moral issues" those concerning abortion, gay marriage, and the teaching of sexual abstinence? I happen to believe that the sanctity of life, the health of marriages, and teaching sexual morality to our children are, indeed, among the great moral issues of our time. But I believe they are not the only great moral issues, and Dobson says they are.
-j.w.

2007-02-27T20:54:00.000-05:00

i really wish i could blog right now, because i have a lot on my mind. i'm working on a grant that i've got to have done tomorrow, so if it goes quickly maybe i'll be back tonight.

:: my, how life changes ::

2007-01-31T23:54:00.000-05:00

recent things that make me happy (except for the first one....that was in november)

2007-01-30T08:26:00.000-05:00

$1.2 million, tomorrow, 5pm.

no big deal.

.

i heard yesterday one of the other agencies told my boss they were done with their funding proposal....of course, they get a fraction of what we get, but they also hired someone to do it for them. wouldn't that be nice?!

wait....i guess that person would be me.....

grant writing is fun.

2007-01-24T18:03:00.000-05:00

are you impressed by your circumstances or by the word of God?
whichever you choose determines whether you walk in faith or fear.

and mary said to the angel, how can this be,
since i have to intimacy with any man?
then the angel said to her, the Holy Spirit will
overshadow you like a shining cloud,
and so that which will be born of you will be called
the Son of God.

few people in the history of the world have ever faced more impossible circumstances than mary, the mother of Jesus. imagine a lone teenage girl who has just been told she will become pregnant by the Holy Spirit and that her child will be the Son of God.

no wonder the angeladded, for with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment. yet mary responded, "let it be done to me according to what you have said."

her response was full of faith that overcame any fear she may have been feeling. circumstances fade to the background whenever you hold God's word as supreme.

dave meyer, lifelines

.

this added a blessing to me today...encouragement when i needed it.

2007-01-21T10:45:00.000-05:00

Is it possible to locate a man, given only his photograph and first name?

A UK games company is testing the power of the Internet by asking that very question; they have recruited one of Earth's 6 billion residents - a man named Satoshi - to participate in this experiment.

We are each only five to seven people away from any target in the world. Someone, somewhere, knows Satoshi - so we must track these people, and thus Satoshi, down using word-of-mouth communication. People from over 80 countries are already participating in the hunt, with more joining every day.

http://www.findsatoshi.com/

2007-01-08T16:43:00.000-05:00

this is post number 600. wow. it's been a few years.

i'm not exactly sure where to start...i stopped blogging so much simply because i had no time...now as i continue to recuperate i've got the time but i'm not sure what to say. so this may be a little disjointed, but it's better than nothing.

i last posted about my kidney stone. well, i've still got the sucker. it became lodged at the point where the tube that drains my kidneys empties into the bladder (sorry if this grosses any of you out).....so my kidneys weren't draining....leading to a whopper of an infection that got into my bloodstream (it's not good when they call you "septic")....leading to an emergency procedure, 2 days in i.c.u. and another 2 in the hospital before i was released just before christmas. man, i can't wait to get that medical bill......yikes. praise the Lord that we have a cap on how much money we have to pay out-of-pocket.

so i've been on a long course of antibiotics and this friday the stone gets removed --- and hopefully the stent that they put in (to allow my kidneys and the infection to drain) will go at the same time. however, my dr. said that a lot of times the process of removing the stone will cause inflammation and swelling that prevents them from grabbing the stent at the same time. then it will just be a quick office visit next week to get that thing out.....it's really what is causing the most pain and discomfort now so i'll be glad to see it go.

- - end kidney stone section - -

christmas was good.....it's the first christmas jeff and i have ever spent together and obviously our first since we've been married. he has been unbelievable throughout this whole mess...taking better care of me than i could have dreamed. i am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband.

we spent christmas morning together and then went to charlotte...i wish anna and justin had been there but we'll see them sometime this month. my grandmother was there and it's always good to spend time with her...she's becoming funnier as time goes on. i hate thinking that we'll ever lose her. my heart and my head aren't letting me go any further on that one.

new year's was quiet for the clarkes....we saw some fireworks, lit some sparklers and amazingly, jeff did not catch himself on fire with his fistful of 10 or so. since i've been out of the hospital i've been working half days at the office, trying to keep up and do the best i can.

- - end holiday section - -

this past weekend we went to the young adult ski retreat in blowing rock, nc. it was great to see friends and lead praise and worship....it was one of those times, though, where you know that God must be working in spite of you, because i was the most low-energy behind the microphone as i've ever been. good thing it's not about me, or it would have been a mess. jeff, as usual, was wonderful. the iglehearts were great guests, and it was amazing to see how God was working in each of the leaders throughout the weekend, tying in the concepts of His will and surrendering our own plans, desires, and burdens.

the weather was ridiculously warm for this time of year and the folks didn't get much skiing in. it's probably a good thing that everyone stopped when they did because there were SO many injuries....one guy broke his collarbone! ouch. sara smith came up to visit and we went shopping and boiled peanut hunting....it was SO GOOD to see her and catch up.

i'm sorry, desmond and kristy, for almost hitting your vehicle with mine.

- - end ski retreat section - -

this is where i am tempted to talk about work....i had a tough, tough day today. i'm really hesitant to write about it, but i do ask for you all to pray for me. i am struggling greatly with something and am not sure what to do, but am asking God to reveal himself and his plan to me.

i've never felt this insecure about anything in the work arena....that's usually where i felt the strongest. maybe that's something to do with it. i don't know. your prayers are appreciated.

i'm out for now. blessings to you all!

2006-12-16T21:24:00.000-05:00

kidney stone.

vicodin is good, but isn't making the sucker pass any faster.

seriously, what a couple of months....

2006-12-11T15:21:00.000-05:00

happy birthday, dad and booth!

looooooooove!

2006-12-09T18:50:00.000-05:00

'tis the season...

2006-11-27T23:17:00.000-05:00

the long awaited wedding photos.....click here.

2006-11-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

life throws some curve balls, that's for sure.

i'm glad that things happen that way sometimes.

.

so i caught the stomach bug from the girl at work. puking thanksgiving morning wasn't fun, nor was eating saltine crackers while everyone else feasted on turkey, ham, the good stuffing (remember sheri?!), the ever-present green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, etc. etc. but seriously, i felt like i was the naughty child being punished. :-) oh well.

married life is wonderful, for all of you that have been asking. we should have known better than to get married right before christmas, though.....two salvation army employees. we're making time and enjoying the little things, and planning a big vacation in january. really looking forward to that.

we're expecting to receive the wedding pictures in a matter of days, so all of you who are waiting with bated breath can take heart. as soon as we get them we'll post them here, on the wedding site, etc.

.

i have a wonderful family.

i am so glad that jeff is here for thanksgiving (for the first time).

i'm praying about something in earnest...please send a few up marked "clarke" if you remember.

i hope everyone looks around them today and
sees the blessings.

2006-11-17T16:11:00.000-05:00

there are some days that just make you wonder....

2006-11-10T20:47:00.000-05:00

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow

2006-10-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

my heart and mind are with dear friends.

two are better than one
[four are better than two]
for they can share one another's burdens
lift each other up
and bring strength during and after the storms.

2006-10-27T18:17:00.000-05:00

still alive, i promise.....i'll post soon.

[married]

2006-09-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

sorry guys, wedding website finally up....

update soon.

2006-08-31T07:59:00.000-05:00

God desires and is pleased to communicate with us
through the avenues of our minds, our wills, and our emotions.

the continuous and unembarrassed
interchange of love and thought
between God and the souls of the redeemed men and women
is the throbbing heart of the new testament.
a.w. tozer

2006-07-25T12:18:00.000-05:00

after the week at camp [in the crazy crazy heat] we have made it back to quito and today is our last full day in ecuador.

i will have to post about camp later because there is too much to say, but i had six beginner brass students and an intermediate theory class to teach, and i guess the best way to put it is that while i tried to teach music the kids taught ME a lot of spanish. of course, that meant that they laughed at me a lot, that i had a few frustrating moments and needed a lot of help from the natives. talk about a humbling experience.

angie had little timbrelists, becca and kenia had dancers, david taught piano and juanito taught the guitarists. we all helped with theory, david and juan preached several times, we did night programs, etc....but most of all we had a blast with the kids. even the ones we thought might be the end of us before the week was out....like "los jacksons" - these guys were crazier than the matts and jeremy ever were back in the day. two of them were actually named jackson [we still don´t know what the other one´s name was, ¿do we?] but by wednesday they were michael, tito and jermaine. pictures to follow.

i had a little boy in my class who I SWEAR told me his name was juan carlos the first day....so you can imagine my surprise when on thursday he told me his name was jose luis. IT WAS. for three days he answered "¿si?" to juan carlos and then says oh yeah, by the way, that´s not my name. so i ask him why he didn´t tell me earlier that i was calling him by the wrong name and he says....I FORGOT. forgot what?!?! holy smokes i wanted to tear my hair out. the girls were giggling and swore they didn´t know his name, but i´m pretty sure it was all a huge conspiracy.

we flew back from esmeraldas to quito instead of driving [for $40 a person] which was God´s providence, because the major´s van broke down about 6 minutes away from the airport and it´s still in esmeraldas right now. luckily we caught cabs to the airport and weren´t late...not that it would have mattered because there wasn´t a plane there until well over an hour and a half after our scheduled departure time. kenia and i had to fight off some overly nice gentlemen and ignore bug carcasses under our seats in the terminal, but other than that all went well. the flight was about 30 minutes and all of our luggage made it, praise the Lord.

our first night back in quito was less than ideal....rebecca´s bag got jacked from the local kfc [passport, license, credit cards, cash, ipod, camera with hundreds of ecuador pictures, medicine, etc]. surprise, the american embassy is absolutely USELESS to us here. apparently, no american needs any assistance except during regular business hours, monday through friday. angie and becca are going to have to fly back a day late so that she can get an official document from the embassy to go along with the police report and passport copy she had. frustrating, but God has provided all the way and we are really thankful that everyone is safe.

today we do the meeting in one of the quito corps and then go downtown, etc. tomorrow morning we leave at 6 am, less one angie and one rebecca. houston, then home to charlotte.... WHERE JEFF IS WAITING FOR ME!!!!!!!

he got the visa and will meet me at the airport....let´s just say i couldn´t be more thrilled or relieved or thankful. God´s provision and timing.

hasta luego...

2006-07-15T21:52:00.000-05:00

hola from ecuador....

well we departed from charlotte and stopped in houston for a few hours (where we had much fun in the brookstone store). we finally arrived in quito at eleven, waited to go through customs and tried to call and let people know we arrived safely, and made it into the hotel by one. we all have been experiencing difficulty adjusting to the altitude (two miles high - kenia got pretty sick before we made it to our hotel room) and that got a little better today.

we were up and out bright and early at 8:30 this morning and came to la casa de los mayores here in quito. la mayora prepared us a wonderful breakfast - they have already been unbelievable hosts. we spent most of the morning planning the rest of the week and realizing a few minor communication glitches...but God is good, and all is well. we are very excited to get to camp tomorrow..half the group went downtown to purchase instruments and the other half planned an evening program, then we met up for lunch where we had fantastic empanadas and a plethora of delicious dishes. after lunch we went shopping for what (we hope) will be all the materials we´ll need this week, and yours truly had to purchase some pantyhose and uniform shoes (i found some hot zapatos que costaron $20!). our evening program will be a schizophrenic game show mixture, but with the creativity on our team it will be fun, no matter what. oh yeah, the team is:
captains david and angela repass
captain juan guadalupe, sr.
rebecca costas morong
ruth kenia santana
and myself.

we´ve known since our first meeting that the group would be an interesting mix....but it´s no surprise that God has planned each of our steps to get here and whether we feel equipped or not, he has chosen to allow us to be a part of his mission here in ecuador for this time, and that is amazing.

ok so we had tea and churros and ice cream cake before the mayores took us on a tour of quito, complete with horse and carriage. we leave here at 7:30 tomorrow morning to travel to esmeraldas, where we will eat and finish up any final business, then head to same where the camp is. the kids arrive and begin auditions and theory tests at 4, and we´re off.....

2006-07-04T17:22:00.000-05:00

independence day

well, today was my last full day in charlotte [if everything goes as planned...i don't know why i work off the assumption that it will, but i guess you have to start somewhere].

tomorrow begins the transition that is happening earlier/later than anticipated and without one canadian that i miss more than i ever thought possible every single day that is added to these three years. winston-salem awaits.

so...yes, immigration has seen some complications, but they are being worked out even now and more importantly, we make the faith choice every day.

there are friends i haven't spoken to in a long time...i hope you'll forgive me for my self-involvement and absence in your lives lately.

tomorrow night i'll be living in winston-salem, next friday i'll be on the way to ecuador and ten days later i'll return. praying that jeff makes it here in the meantime.

we're still planning to be getting married on october 8....hope for the best!

2006-07-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

happy canada day.

life continues
and we wait.

we know that the Lord's timing is perfect, so we wait. i wish i could say i am always patient and that despair doesn't drop by every once in a blue moon, but i'm human (even though i may only admit it every other day).

life. remembering that it can be fleeting...

finish each day and be done with it.
you have done what you could.

some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in,
forget them as soon as you can.

tomorrow is a new day,
you shall begin it well and serenely...

ralph waldo emerson

2006-06-27T14:38:00.000-05:00

prayer.

2006-06-27T01:08:00.000-05:00

random recent events:

2006-06-26T13:37:00.000-05:00

by nature we have no defect that could not become a strength,
no strength that could not become a defect.

johann wolfgang von goethe

2006-06-24T02:27:00.000-05:00

a little bit out lets me breathe again.

i forgot what breathing was like

.

God is greater
and loves perfectly despite my weakness

in acknowledging this weakness instead of
denying it,
i see a different face of my Father.

2006-06-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

in this moment - right now - i'd rather be m e d i o c r e
to smile and shake my head at those with mile high expectations
their own
others
no difference between the two in the end.
.

oddly
if you spend your time and energy trying
trying to never disappoint anyone

it's much easier for them to stone you
when your human imperfections bleed through

2006-06-21T08:01:00.000-05:00

we cannot live with bitterness

because it will first manifest itself in our spirit,
then in our emotions,
and finally in our bodies.

tom drout

2006-06-17T21:47:00.000-05:00

"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena;
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs and comes short again and again;
who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievements;

and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly,
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls
who know neither victory nor defeat."

Teddy Roosevelt

2006-06-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

Coffee mugs are made with a purpose. Mugs are made for drinking coffee, for drinking hot chocolate, for holding pens, for collecting change. They are not made to simply sit on a shelf and gather dust. When you use a mug there is the possibility that it will get damaged or broken.

....we were created to embrace life. Jesus said it this way, "I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Life is for living. When you live life, there are risks.

When you live you may get hurt.
When you live you may experience disappointments.
When you live you may get damaged.
When you live you may get broken.

What about you? Has life been unkind to you lately? Have you considered retiring, sitting out the fight, being shelved? Please don’t. Take a lesson from my mug. Even if your handle gets broken ... press on. Move forward. Your handle is broken, but you are not dead. Keep living. God has something in store for you.

Tom Norvell

2006-06-10T09:29:00.000-05:00

booth's graduation.....

2006-06-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

my heart bled onto this page. a stark self-portrait. painful honesty. a post that reflected who i am right now, in this very minute, has disappeared into cyberspace.

i guess some burdens should be shouldered silently.

2006-06-01T01:58:00.000-05:00

saying goodbye

to love

.

past

.

weeks
until
forever
.

2006-05-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

happy birthday, robin parker.....i love you!

2006-05-27T15:52:00.000-05:00

The following is a post by RFP13579 on an aol message board:

Quote - Pat Robertson:
"If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," Robertson said May 8. On Wednesday, he added, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

I'm not going to berate the man himself. I'm simply going to analyze the statement from my limited perspective.

First of all, from what I have read in the Bible, including the story of Noah, I don't find that those who attempted to warn people about impending doom left their statements as open-ended as this statement. The words "if" and "may" don't seem to mesh well with statements that should be made with such authority. I would suggest that "if" God is speaking to Pat, then he should tell us what he heard. Because what I interpret from the quote is more like this: "If I heard the Lord at all, then what He said is definitely right about what IS going to happen, but I'm not sure I heard the Lord, because I can't really make complete sense of what I thought I heard. Maybe I will get some clarification on what I heard, and when I do I will tell that to the world. And if it was the Lord speaking to me, then what He revealed to me will definitely happen. If it does not happen, then obviously, I did not hear from the Lord and I was presumptuous in speaking."

The reason I say the above is not to deride Pat, but to simply demonstrate that the above statement, as quoted does not line up with HOW God communicated to people in the Bible. Noah did not say "there might be a flood"; Moses did not say "you might should let my people go, or something bad might happen somewhere in Egypt"; Isaiah, Jeremiah, et.al. did not say to Israel "If I heard the Lord right, then there might be some kind of divine retribution somewhere in Israel this year because you have sinned." From what I can understand, these people were specific in their predictions...and if God is as great as we think He is (and I believe He is), then with a voice like His, spoken in situations like this, it seems He should definitely be heard.

However, leaving the statement so open-ended makes Pat "theoretically correct". Indeed, there MAY be a something as bad as a Tsunami in the Pacific Northwest. But, the condition of "MAY BE" is a condition that always exists in every situation until the actual situation occurs. It is probably safe to assume the probability of a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest, because the Aleutian Islands have some of the most intense underwater volcanic activity in the world - which heightens the probability of an earthquake (I think they occur regularly in that region - if not daily), and therefore a subsequent tsunami.

As far as the American Coasts being lashed by storms...well, they have been every year since I can remember. That's why we call it "Hurricane SEASON".

Again, I'm not intending to berate Pat, I just think he should be more authoritative and specific if God is speaking through him to predict something. If the event he specifically speaks about does not happen, then we do have an example of what how to respond to people who put themselves in situations like that:

"But the prophet, which presumes to speak a word in My Name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or speaks in the name of other gods, that prophet shall die. And if you say in your heart 'How shall we know if the Lord has not spoken?'...When a prophet speaks in the Name of the Lord, if the thing does not follow or come to pass, then that is the thing which the Lord has NOT spoken, but the prophet has spoken it presumptuously: you should not be afraid of him." Deuteronomy 18: 20-22

Now, I'm not suggesting anyone kill Pat for his statements. He is free to speak what he thinks, and he has created his own platform from which to do so. I do think he needs to be specific and if what he says does not happen, then it is clear that he has spoken presumptuously.....and people should not listen to him.

Regardless of what Pat Robertson or anyone else says or does, we should all live our lives aware of a possible accountability to God for how we live them. I predict with absolute certainty that everyone reading this will die one day. Having said that, I think NOW is the best time to test our own BELIEFS in light of that FACT. God seems quite capable of revealing Himself to anyone who asks Him to. Don't wait until you're dead to see if what you BELIEVED about God might have been true. If you do, then you have just put yourself in the same boat that you criticize Pat Robertson for floating in - the boat of "if's" and "maybe's". It will sink with you in it just as quickly as it will sink with Pat Robertson or even myself in it.
Beyond all the hype: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but will have everlasting life."

I would suggest WE ALL put this claim to the most rigorous tests. The consequences of this statement alone affect our human disposition more than the sum of all natural disasters that have ever occured.

Good luck...and be smart in your thinking!

2006-05-23T07:18:00.000-05:00

2006-05-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

jeffrey,
i miss you. thank you for waiting with me through these three years of being apart....and not giving up.

our time is coming. i just wish it would hurry up.

love.

2006-05-13T15:34:00.000-05:00

overdue post of norfolk trip. anna and justin were both in how to succeed in business without really trying. it was lovely.

Flash Slideshow

2006-05-05T07:11:00.000-05:00

"NEVER AGAIN."

t h e h o l o c a u s t.
1933 - 1945
6 million jews murdered

c a m b o d i a.
1975-1979.
1.7 million people lost their lives (21% of the country's population)

r w a n d a.
1994.
at least 600,000 murdered in a matter of months.

d a r f u r.
2003 - present
over 180,000 people are confirmed dead.
over 2,000,000 people have been forced from their homes.

citizens of western sudan are daily being attacked, raped, and massacred. NOW.

(above) this child's face was beaten in with the handle of an assault rifle. he died.

(above) aerial shot of a burned-out village

poster of missing children at a refugee camp in chad

inescusable.

"Decades of low-level tribal clashes over land and water in Darfur erupted into large-scale violence in early 2003 with rebels demanding regional autonomy. The central government is accused of responding by unleashing Janjaweed militias upon civilians, a charge Sudan denies. "

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. If not, every one of us is an accomplice to the continuing murders. It is appalling to me that we can choose ignorance or denial...how is that even an option? How many of us have studied the holocaust and shaken our heads in disbelief at the world, wondering how people could have stood by and allowed such a unconscionable slaughter to continue? Yet we are somehow unable to connect those past horrors with the genocide in Darfur today.

"The U.S. and British officials appeared to step into that breach. They were sent to Abuja, the Nigerian capital where the talks are taking place, after thousands of Americans including several legislators protested over the weekend to demand an end to the slaughter in Darfur."

"The sustained publicity and diplomatic pressure might have prevented Darfur from reaching the scale of Rwanda more than a decade ago, in which 800,000 were killed in just a few months — a tragedy immortalized in the film Hotel Rwanda.

Otherwise, Sudan's response has amounted to little more than empty gestures. It agreed to disarm the Janjaweed, for example, then continued to help them. It allowed aid agencies in then obstructed them.

Even after the horrors of Rwanda...there are no quick fixes. Rallies like Sunday's help keep up the pressure for the only possible solution: one that is frustratingly slow-moving."

We must not become discouraged. Raise your voice.

quoted passages Copyright 2006 The Associated Press

2006-05-04T08:26:00.000-05:00

a glimpse:

.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

"Ever feel guilty when somebody cites this Bible verse? I'll bet you'd just love to find a quiet time today, wouldn't you? Maybe you are even planning for it. Wonderful things can happen in times of solitude, stillness, and silence before God. But "stillness" is hard to come by -- and simply isn't available on some days or in certain life experiences.

There's precious little time for stillness when production deadlines are close. A report is due in three hours. An inspection is in progress. If you live in a big city, there are voices and horns. There is constant motion. Shared living space has someone else's music, someone else's TV, and someone else's voice. Where are you supposed to find God in the midst of all the noise?

Then there is "noise" of a different quality altogether. Pain from illness or injury screams at you. The pressure of finding a new job or putting life together after a death takes away your tranquil sense of God. Sadness, disappointment, and loss crash over you with the roar of an angry sea.

Strange as it may seem, the greater need for some of us may be less for stillness than to learn how to hear God's voice smack in the middle of all the noise, chaotic activity, and disorienting trouble.

"They reeled and staggered like drunken men; they were at their wits' end. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. Let them give thanks to the Lord ..." Psalm 107:27-31

Do you really think ours is the first generation of humankind to feel the pressure of noise, tension, and uncertainty? Of course not. And the experience of some of those people can guide us in our times of stress.

Whoever the subjects of Psalm 107, they were reeling and staggering under their load. There was no serene stillness before God for them. To the contrary, they were "at their wits' end." So right in the middle of their frenzy and distress, "they cried out to the Lord in their trouble" -- and God heard them.

If your life has more tumult than stillness,
more crash than tranquility,
God has not eluded you.

He beckons you to cry out to him, and he will show himself.
Amidst the noise, you will find his presence enfolding you in his peace. "
r.s.

2006-05-03T16:08:00.000-05:00

how was your morning?

tire #1

tire #2

2006-05-01T16:39:00.000-05:00

i swing as a pendulum
forth and back between
hope despair optimism
realism

empathy disgust indifference
my heart bleeds
then stops.

i have no more patience with
those
self < . c e n t e r . > ed

[is this what they call artistic expression?]

and if so

do i have to offer an explanation

or can it

just be?

2006-04-27T13:32:00.000-05:00

"When one of us gets where my young friend was when he was told that he likely had less than six months to live, he or she will focus intensely on the things that really matter in life. There will be far less concern about the newest electronic gadget, a bigger house, liposuction, a luxury car, or some other inconsequential indulgence. In fact, I doubt that a one of those items will come to mind at all.

When your time on Planet Earth is about to end and you are reflecting on how your one-time trip through life has worked out, you'll think about and reach for the people who are most important to you. And you will think about what happens after you have taken your last breath. These are the really important things -- as opposed to burning yourself out at the office, neglecting your family and friends, and pushing spiritual concerns to the fringe of your life.

Being responsible and working hard are good things. And there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of honest labor. Yet the Bible cautions us to remember that we came into the world without a company, portfolio, or fortune -- and will leave it the same way. So the smart thing is to major in what will matter at the end and not to fritter away your life with what cannot go into eternity.

Judged by that standard, how does your plan for the week look now?

rubel shelley

.

i just saw someone's comment on a previous shelley quote....i'll respond later with how i got exposed to him and what i think about his various teachings.....

2006-04-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

The Christian face of i m m i g r a t i o n
by David Batstone

Diana Villanueva-Hoeckley did not take the typical path to Westmont College, a Christian liberal arts college in Montecito, California. The 19-year-old sophomore was born in Guatemala, and then smuggled into the United States at the age of 7. Her story makes you want to cry. What the U.S. Congress may do to her makes you want to scream.

Diana's mother came to the United States legally in the mid-1990s. Once she had established some semblance of a life for herself in the Los Angeles area, she tried to obtain a visa for her daughter to come and live with her. The U.S. Embassy turned down her application. Desperate to have her daughter by her side, she paid a "coyote," or migrant smuggler, to deliver Diana to California.

Imagine the fright of being told at age 7 that you must take a long, covert journey with a stranger, all alone. Diana today can only recall snippets: a bus journey, a short plane ride, hanging out at borders waiting for the right moment to cross. "I just kept focused on how great it would be together with my mother again," says Diana.

Not long after her arrival into the U.S., Diana and her now-pregnant mother moved to Santa Barbara. Diana's sister, Estrellita, was born. Earning a meager income from a string of housecleaning jobs, her mother moved the family into a small trailer. Diana attended public schools in the Santa Barbara area starting in the third grade.

During her freshman year in high school, Diana took note that her mother was not looking well. Lacking health insurance, her mother visited a health clinic serving a low-income population. At first she was diagnosed with pneumonia, but slowly it became apparent that something much more serious was going on. She had lung cancer, and died within two years.

Chris Hoeckley and Cheri Larsen Hoeckley are both professors at Westmont College. Their daughter, Mackenzie, was Estrellita's classmate at the local public school. Many there were heartbroken by Diana and Estrellita's loss. The Hoeckleys reached out and embraced the girls into their family.

The Hoeckleys had for some time looked to adoption as an avenue for growing their family. Their desire to parent matched their religious conviction that God calls us to care for the orphans in need. They went through the county process to legally adopt the Villanueva children. In the midst of much tragedy, the Hoeckleys, now 5 in number, patched together a loving connection.

If only the story could move on from there to focus on the life experiences that all families look to create. But most families do not face criminal prosecution. Yet, Diana may one day soon be charged as a felon for illegally immigrating to this country 13 years ago, at age 7. And her adoptive parents also could be criminally charged for aiding and abetting an illegal immigrant.

Legislation currently being debated in the U.S. House of Representatives actually contains these provisions. Diana cannot believe this is happening in a country she has come to love. "I'm shocked that people don't see me as someone who belongs here; this is my home," she told me sadly. Though Diana was legally adopted by the Hoeckleys, in many renditions of the legislation she would not be protected. And now that she is 19, she would be prosecuted as an adult.
"I look around and see so many immigrants here who are working so hard to make a good life," Diana said. "Why can't people see the big picture?"

Indeed, the big picture tells a different story to the political fear-mongering on immigration. The Pew Hispanic Center estimates that nearly 12 million undocumented immigrants are living in the U.S. A number of studies demonstrate that they are anything but a "drain" on the U.S. economy as is widely feared. Douglass S. Massey, a Princeton University professor, has documented the contributions of undocumented workers to the government:

62% have taxes withheld from their paychecks
66% pay Social Security
Their payments to Social Security totalled $7 bilion in 2004
In the same year they paid $1.5 billion to Medicare

Ironically, Massey found these workers usually don't take advantage of these programs, fearing the INS will be alerted to their presence in this country, Forbes reported.

All too many Americans do see immigrants as criminals, unfortunately. The New York Times on April 25 cited a Survey USA poll taken in the state of Kansas that shows nearly three-quarters of adults in the sample surveyed agree to the proposal that "the United States should find and deport all illegal immigrants." If only they could meet the Dianas who will suffer from this xenophobic zeal.

Diana studies in Westmont's San Francisco Urban Program in this semester. As part of her school work, she interns with a Catholic Charities program that aids immigrants. She is beginning to make a deeper connection between her life story, and that of other immigrants, to the gospel. "It comforts me that Jesus was seen as an outsider, and gathered around him followers who also were considered outsiders," said Diana. "Too many Christians at this moment are too s c a r e d and c o n f u s e d to see Jesus in the stranger, and realize how lives would be torn apart by these new laws."

If she is allowed to remain in the U.S., Diana has dreams of going to law school and eventually helping out vulnerable immigrants who cannot afford legal advice. The Hoeckleys are most frightened to lose their daughter. "I have three daughters, full stop," says Cheri. "Now the government is trying to take away one of them."

From time to time, both professors lead discussions on immigration at church adult education classes. They express dismay that even socially-oriented religious communities have not reflected biblically or theologically to any great extent on immigration.

The Hoeckleys are encouraged by the principled position taken by several Christian churches to support the orphan, the widow, and the foreigner regardless the direction that legislation takes. The high profile stand made by Cardinal Roger Mahony also, they hope, will help Christians evaluate their politics on immigration.

"Our primary obligation as Christians is to embrace the foreigner, the stranger amongst us," said Chris. "I wish American Christians could see that appeals to 'national interest' or 'homeland security' should not lead us to abandon our highest principles."

There are hundreds of Christian colleges, both Protestant and Catholic, operating in the U.S. Imagine the impact these schools could have on the immigration debate if they would rally around families such as the Hoeckleys who find themselves threatened by this legislation. Christian colleges exist to educate young hearts and minds for Christian service. What better moment for faculty and students at Christian colleges to fulfill their vocation and welcome the stranger.

It is a movement waiting to be born. I pray God stirs some hearts.

**personal note**
it is obvious to anyone paying attention that this issue is very complex. we cannot make one sweeping decision to undo years of governmental inattention to this situation. certainly the number of undocumented persons, especially children, living nearly invisibly in this country is staggering. certainly, the laws regarding the status of these people are in desperate need of improvement. but what is the answer? i urge each of you to seriously ask yourself that question, and consider this: unless you are a 100% indigenous american, your ancestors legally "immigrated" here years ago (when america still said that she would welcome the "tired, the poor" from other lands because all men are entitled to the freedoms granted here). consider that you were lucky/blessed enough to be born into this life of opportunity and abundance, where genocide is not occuring and children have shoes and drinking water that won't kill them and treatments for disease are available and.....and......and.....

now honestly answer this: are you entitled to a better quality of life - or the possibility of life at all - because your parents didn't have to flee political oppression or smuggle you across the border between hope and hope-lessness?

biblically - what are our guidelines here? we are certainly instructed to abide by the laws our government, and we all know that to ignore this situation and deny its urgency is no longer an option. my intent in posting this article was never to imply that we should open the gates and invite chaos and disorder, but rather to initiate discussion among believers about the implications of this.

we sit by and watch entire races of people be slaughtered. how are we not taking that door to door to raise awareness? why are we not unapologetically demanding answers from our world's leaders about the u.s. stance on the genocide in darfur? (the term gencide was actually spoken by our president regarding darfur, but we have seen no evidence that the u.s. is willing to step in)

we have gradually stopped acting on our mandate to care for the widow, the sick, the dying, the hungry.....so TALK ABOUT IT. have an informed conversation with others who may not even be aware of what is happenning. those problems are only getting larger, and YOU HAVE A VOICE. only one, but one of millions who claim a growing relationship with the Lord and should be crying out against injustice.

whether we agree politically or not, we agree in prayer to the same father who created and loves each of these groups of people the same perfect way he loves you. so speak up - learn about the issues that are affected by your faith - and speak out.

my goal here is not to be scandalous or an instigator of political conflict....it's to ask you, point blank, what you believe to be true in the Bible and what you're doing to change the world outside your door.

2006-04-24T09:35:00.000-05:00

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1

"Did you enjoy the worship service today?"

Seems like a harmless question, doesn't it? However, there are at least two great dangers that lurk beneath this apparently innocent question.

First, there is the consumerist assumption that seems to have invaded every facet of western culture, even our pervasive church culture. "Did you enjoy ...?" Hmm, seems like that is kinda backwards to the way we ought ask that question. "Did God enjoy our ...?" We've made ourselves -- our wants, our needs, and our preferences -- the focus of everything, even our worship of God. So we ask questions about church like the following:

Do I like what they are doing?
Does this church meet my needs?
Am I comfortable with the people here?
What benefits do I get from going there?

We often forget the more essential questions about the church's mission, the Bible teaching's faithfulness, the people's spiritual authenticity, and the passion of the members for following the will of God. Shouldn't we be asking a more important question: is our church
seeking to live as the presence of Jesus in our community?

Second, how did we ever come up with the phrase "worship service" to mean an hour to two hour slot on Sunday morning? Surely our service of worship dedicated to God is much bigger than a sit down session where we stare at the cowlicks in front of us, sing a few religious songs, hear a bunch of religious words, and read from old religious texts. Isn't the whole concept of worship being limited to a place and time
counter to Jesus' teaching? John 4:23-24......true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth....the Father is looking for anyone who will worship him in that way.

Have we largely relegated worship to an hour or two on Sunday and divorced it from our daily lives? Isn't genuine worship a life lived for God in response to his grace? (Romans 12:1...our bodies as living and holy sacrifices to God, the kind he will accept.)

Assembling with Christians for worship, fellowship, and encouragement is not optional for followers of Jesus:

And so, dear brothers and sisters, we can boldly enter heaven's Most Holy Place because of the blood of Jesus. This is the new, life-giving way that Christ has opened up for us through the sacred curtain, by means of his death for us. And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God's people, let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. For our evil consciences have been sprinkled with Christ's blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near. Hebrews 10:19-23

At the same time, that "getting together" must be a celebration of a whole week of worship and the anticipation of a whole new week of daily worship that lies ahead. It must come from our appreciation of God's grace generously given us in Jesus and lead to a daily life of worship lived out of our shared mission to be Jesus to our world.

So how do we get beyond the stuck point we find ourselves in much of modern Christendom?

I'm not sure any of us has the definitive answer. Trying to do church out of a sense of mission based on the example of Jesus' ministry is clearly an essential start. Ephasizing worship as an everyday lifestyle is also a vital necessity as well. However, we've also got to change our corporate structures and values or all of this is just mere talk.

I know we are trying to do all three of these in our church family at Southern Hills in Abilene. One of the driving forces that has convicted us and pushed us in this direction is what we now affectionately refer to as WATS Day -- We Are The Sermon Day. Our second WATS Day is this coming Sunday. We come together as a congregation for a special time focused on the Lord's Supper, then go spend the rest of Sunday serving people in our community in work teams. At the end of the day, we gather for a combined time of praise at a local high school -- the smell isn't too sweet with all of us in our dirty and stinky work clothes, but the praise and the fellowship is sure sweet.

Last year we had over 1100 from our congregation and several dozen other folks from a few nearby churches join us as we sought to be the sermon that day. This year, more congregations will join us and we have found that over the course of the last year God has opened all sorts of doors to help us have WATS Day in less formal ways quite often. This growing conviction has changed the way we spend our money and the way we view our role in the community.

We're still working on our sense vision built around our mission to be Jesus to our community. We are emphasizing more and more that worship is an everyday lifestyle. But, we've found that people don't really believe it's a priority until they see it working itself out in real life, face to face, ministry in the same world we live in every day.

phil ware

2006-04-21T15:27:00.000-05:00

they were mean to me when i slept.

good weekend. miss him.

2006-04-21T00:23:00.000-05:00

do you ever find yourself responding to someone's blog and being reprimanded by the little man who lives inside the blogger machine? i was reading johnny's latest entry and when i started leaving a comment, my thoughts went all over the place and i wrote too many words to fit in a comment. so rather than comment-spamming my corps officer in order to fit it all in, i said to myself, "self: you do have your own blog for these kinds of things."

so read johnny's entry before going on, and forgive me if my 2 am thoughts are non-sensical. maybe people will understand why i have been writing fewer "real entries" and posting quotes and photos instead....contrary to popular belief, it's not because my brain has stopped functioning or because my previously insatiable appetite for logic/reasoning/research has dried up like a prune...it's more likely one of the following:
a) the thoughts that are filling my mind are best kept off of the w.o.r.l.d. w.i.d.e. w.e.b.
b) i don't feel the freedom or desire to share my heart's beats and skips with strangers, aquaintances or blog-stalkers like i used to
c) i am still thinking, reading, studying but can only use this much time to blog late at night, when my words don't make sense or i would rather be taking advantage of free long distance.

________________________________________________________________

in response to johnny's blog: good teaching. i hope that this causes readers to think about our giving. less help to the hungry and hopeless in order to pay for a building that has become the equivalent, in the minds of most believers, of "the church."

certainly, there are benefits to having a central meeting place and a house for fellowship. but when did a building replace the living, breathing, serving body? i think....join this family, be a part of our body and fulfill your purpose to the body - this is what you are meant to do, this is how you will draw nearer to your creator, this is how you will be the hands and feet of Jesus.

the moment when "the church" no longer refers to the people of God but to an inanimate object, a building - this is when it is only a hop, skip and a jump to equating one's ritual attendance to man's planned programs with one's belonging to the body of Christ.

when i consider the new testament and the life of Jesus, i see emphasis on love: the greatest commandment is to love God with all that you have and are, recognizing his power and perfection, thankful for the sacrifice of Jesus and the offer of grace. the next in line is to love your neighbor (salvationist, baptist, homeless, immigrant, muslim alike - but i'll stop there, for that is a blog in itself).

considering that when studying the themes of the new testament you find that its main messages do the following (an abbreviated list from the lexicorient):

identify Jesus as the messiah
communicate that redemption can only be obtained through belief in Jesus and that it is available to everyone (not only jews)
teach the appropriate conduct for a believer
administer the governing of the Church (understood as the union of believers)

Jesus effected a new law, did he not? no longer is the Church tied to rituals and stark rules that had served their purpose in keeping God's people safe from harm and teaching how life was to be lived, day to day. new law - love?

paul taught christianity with emphasis on the grace of God - contrasting with the jewish belief and insistence on law-keeping as the road to salvation. this was understandable, though, considering that jews had been taught these laws (which were given to them by God) for centuries. but if you believe that Jesus (a law-abiding jew) is the messiah of old testament prophecy, wouldn't you WATCH him and learn from his ways?

it's interesting that Jesus as an adult and through his teaching years isn't recorded as spending much of his time in a central meeting place, bringing those in need to that place so that then they might hear the word, be forgiven, healed, saved. he faced outraged religious leaders and their criticism of his ministry - a ministry that goes to the sick and heals them, goes to the poor and feeds them, goes to the outcasts and associates with them (sounds a bit like the old school christian mission, no?). while he lives his life this way and teaches his posse to do the same, he cautions against giving to the church without sacrifice (with interest in recognition) and blesses the widow who gave sacrifically and with pure intentions.

of course we should give. i hope that anyone reading this doesn't choose to scan my words and exclaim how i think tithing is wrong, because that would be a deliberate misinterpretation of this "discussion." can we call blogging discussion? in any case, i am doing what i believe each believer is called to do - live an examined life, understanding why i do what i do and where, if anywhere, the ideas and traditions that we take as gospel are found in the bible. AND if they are, what that means - what would a reader in those times have understood from the words? in comparison, how can our modern understanding of the same text be so convoluted?

any gift to God holds great meaning (can i say that it is sacramental?) if the believer truly recognizes that he is giving back to God what is already his. are we giving to God or to a building fund, and does that matter? those two things could be one and the same to you, but my point is that we should not hesitate to ask ourselves or each other these questions. today i was talking with shirley adams. she was asked by a peer why she doesn't tithe faithfully to the corps where she "soldiers" - instead giving her tithe at the corps she is attending that particular sunday. her response was faultless, in my opinion - "i'm tithing to God."

oh ye god of charlotte temple, art thou not the same god of aiken, atlanta, and greensboro?

give to God what is God's. heed the holy spirit's leading to give to those in need. pay your taxes. give sacrificially. give with a joyful heart, recognizing that everything you have is a gift directly given to you by the creator of the world. he delights in your obedience.
.

"We may have the form of godliness, but deny its power (cf. 2 Tim. 3:5). Israel was seldom if ever rebuked for some technical error in the forms of her worship, but she was often rebuked for going through the rituals without a heart for God (cf. Isa. 1:11; Micah 6:6-8; Psa. 40:6-8; 51:16-17). To recognize and understand New Testament principles for the church, then, is not enough. We must carry them out with a heart which is right before God. " Bob Deffinbaugh , Th.M.

2006-04-18T21:44:00.000-05:00

back from canada. update later.
this one's a freebie.

2006-04-11T16:18:00.000-05:00

last weekend in hickory was wonderful. we missed dave and julie, but the group of us that were there had an awesome time together. annie, jennifer, sheri and i have bonded beyond belief. love them. as always, it is great to spend time with des and kristy....except when it makes us miss them more. and booth and charlie together.....there's really nothing to say about that.

mr. hankey, the christmas poo?

2006-04-11T06:33:00.000-05:00

healing for our emotional and spiritual lives begins when we get honest about our inconsistencies.

when we quit making excuses or blaming others.

when we are courageous enough to admit how frazzled the basic connections of life have become – relationships with self, God, and people who care about us.

rubel shelley

.

don't worry about anything;
instead, pray about everything.

tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. if you do this you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. his peace will guard your hearts and mind as you live in Christ Jesus.

philippians 4:6-7

.

on another note....stockholm band tonight? everybody ready to party?

2006-04-10T06:51:00.000-05:00

all of you prayin' folk out there....please whisper one for me today.

2006-04-06T09:24:00.000-05:00

i hate immigration.

.

2006-04-04T12:07:00.000-05:00

prayers for the kinlaw family.....christina and daniel, we love you!

2006-04-03T08:18:00.000-05:00

he not only loves you,
he is delighted with you despite all your dysfunctions,
and revels in every moment you spend with him.
song of solomon 2:10-13

.

so blessed today.

2006-03-31T15:29:00.000-05:00

today i met a man on the side of the road
who had a sombrero

¡ole!

2006-03-31T08:55:00.000-05:00

heedfulness vs. hypocrisy in ourselves

If you see a Christian brother or sister sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray, and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death, and I am not saying you should pray for those who commit it. 1 John 5:16 new living translation

For instance, if we see a Christian believer sinning (clearly I'm not talking about those who make a practice of sin in a way that is "fatal," leading to eternal death), we ask for God's help and he gladly gives it, gives life to the sinner whose sin is not fatal. There is such a thing as a fatal sin, and I'm not urging you to pray about that. 1 john 5:16 the message

If we are not heedful of the way the Spirit of God works in us, we will become spiritual hypocrites. We see where other folks are failing, and we turn our discernment into the gibe of criticism instead of into intercession on their behalf. The revelation is made to us not through the acuteness of our minds, but by the direct penetration of the Spirit of God, and if we are not heedful of the source of the revelation, we will become criticizing centres and forget that God says - ". . . he shall ask, and He shall give him life for them that sin not unto death." Take care lest you play the hypocrite by spending all your time trying to get others right before
you worship God yourself.

One of the subtlest burdens God ever puts on us as saints is this burden of discernment concerning other souls. He reveals things in order that we may take the burden of these souls before Him and form the mind of Christ about them, and as we intercede on His line, God says He will give us "life for them that sin not unto death." It is not that we bring God into touch with our minds, but that we rouse ourselves until God is able to convey His mind to us about the one for whom we intercede.

Is Jesus Christ seeing of the travail of His soul in us? He cannot unless we are so identified with Himself that we are roused up to get His view about the people for whom we pray. May we learn to intercede so whole-heartedly that Jesus Christ will be abundantly satisfied with us as intercessors.

oswald chambers
my utmost for his highest, march 31

2006-03-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

i'm not going into details of how jeff schooled me at the fun bowl.

jln, all grown up.

welcome to the brokeback inn.

vern smile.

this huge nostril photo aside...closer every day. God's provision, God's time.

2006-03-22T10:34:00.000-05:00

annie's got your lucky 'crucifix'

a few more pictures from white oak

2006-03-20T13:07:00.000-05:00

2006-03-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

we need to find God,
and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness.

God is the friend of silence.

see how nature--trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence;
see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...

we need silence to be able to touch souls.

mother teresa

2006-03-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

faith says not, i see that it is good for me, so God must have sent it, but,
God sent it, and so it must be good for me.

faith, walking in the dark with God, only prays Him to clasp its hand more closely.
phillips brooks

2006-03-15T17:59:00.000-05:00

today i choose forgiveness.

note that i didn't say "reconciliation." i've been thinking lately on the idea that forgiveness and reconciliation do not always come as a packaged duo. in an ideal world we would be able to build or restore every relationship unto perfection, forgiving and forgetting, then sit down to a fried chicken dinner, circle around a fire and sing kum bah yah.

have you ever been hurt so deeply by another person that you feel consumed by thoughts of anger and resentment? somehow the pain seems to lessen if you grab hold of it that tightly. it physically manifests itself in your reactions to other situations and people - innocent bystanders who then feel the heat of your anger or bitterness. it begins to weaken your heart muscles. it distances you from your Lord....wait, how can i start talking about a spiritual relationship now? doesn't it seem impossible that this type of intense anger could reside in the spirit of a believer?

pray for that person. i remember my dad once saying that it's near impossible to hold bitterness against someone in your heart while you are actively petitioning God to bless them. okay - that lesson had served me well in the past. but this time it was only a matter of days before i couldn't stand to do it anymore. i said to myself, "self: you're human and you just don't have it in you this time." that in itself is interesting. in my life the things that confront me have always been conquered through sheer will and forced determination. right?

:: enter the subtle rebuke of the Lord through his people ::

through the questions of a friend i began to really examine what it means when God forgives us...when he stretches his arms toward us in our most shameful state, showering us with such love and undeserved mercy that we are almost afraid to accept it. in our small group last week we went into this topic in depth. [i was deeply blessed by the honesty and trust displayed among that family on friday] daniel made a comment about how you may not ever be able to walk without stumbling if your head is always twisted back, looking over your shoulder at the past. kally used to recite this mantra: tear down the rearview mirror - there's nothing left to see.

and cue the abrupt silence - i finally get it. the destruction caused by my inability [unwillingness?] to forgive....leaving ugly bruises on my connection to my Father, my friendships, the present and future with the man i love...it came down to a choice made early monday morning while dr. phil droned in the background.

the past cannot be changed, and the lessons learned in our yesterdays cannot be taken from us. however, i refuse to allow a treasured place in my present to be occupied by a ghost from the past. but it's not a self-righteous liberation taking place here. i am confronted by the ugliness of my own sin - my unforgiving heart.

God has helped me to forgive someone who has never asked for my forgiveness. now, when i begin to pray for this person, i start by asking God to search my heart and my motives. i ask that my words be sincere, and that he allow me to see this person through his eyes. Jesus' blood was shed for each of us.

.

it's been a long time since i've felt the freedom to bleed onto this public page. but this is my face.
my real face.

my chains have come off,
my heart's been set free.

God, you are so good and i am so undeserving of your mercy. i praise you - for you are everlasting, and your perfect love endures forever. draw me closer.