i just got back from having the most amazing four hours of conversation with david. he never fails to make me smile and inspire me to live life to the fullest, right now--he is so incredible. and seeing lars was so great! his hair is almost longer than mine and definitely prettier than mine, so i was a bit jealous. but seeing him always puts a smile on my face and warms my heart. i'm so thankful for good friends.

and you know what....as for the one that is so emotionally draining.....i am done. i am finished....i even picked up the phone today to try to leave things on a good note, but i'm sorry i even wasted my time. i have never before wanted so much to keep trying, but i cannot and will not be the fall-back girl, the fall-back friend, whatever you want to call it. i refuse to play second fiddle and i will not keep pouring my energy and my emotions into something and someone who doesn't even care enough to be honest, that's for darn sure.

but all in all, good weekend.....seeing elizabeth, lars, david, everybody at the corps....even the ones with the girlfriends they dont want to claim... :-) it was a nice break....and back to sleepy wilmore tomorrow.

listened to delilah on the way home....."you are the love of my life" is stuck in my head.

it's so great to be back in atlanta. what's weird are the memories that flood my mind when i walk around this campus. i wonder if that's God's way of giving me a message or if i should just be thankful for the smile in my heart.

it's going to be hard to go back to asbury on monday. but.....i get to see lars tonight and david tomorrow. :-) I am blessed.

today will be a good day.

.......i go home tomorrow night.

nice relaxing weekend in columbus. slept in, went shopping, watched movies, refrained from the stalking tendencies that were surfacing . but i admit my weakness for a big fella, all tousled from a good night's sleep....man. but i was sure to mind my manners and tried not to stare. too much.

you know, sometimes i cannot stand being so emotional. how come one moment can affect my mood so drastically? oh right.....estrogen. well i think that bites. but i have resolved to not sit around and be depressed about things in my life that i do have control over.

i am going home in less than three days.

this week has been rough, but---God is good. i don't understand why God lets things happen. i believe in my heart that there is a reason, that ultimately everything will work together for the good. but that doesn't help me comprehend how unfairly suffering seems to be handed out. of course there is no fairness to it, but my heart is breaking. pray without ceasing, right? two and a half years ago i thought i knew what that meant.

anna reminded me once that to whom much is given, much is required. she would know. and it's at times like this that i force myself to sit back and recognize just how much God has blessed me. and aren't we instructed to be anxious about nothing? don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself.

so i havent really been focused on my midterms, though i feel relieved that they're finally over.

i'm going home in six days.

today was both eventful and uneventful at the same time. and i am hating myself right about now for feeling confused about any of it.

the past should be the past. but it's not. and i despise myself for allowing any and all of these thoughts, but i'm told it's healthy to get them out.

they're out.

right, so i have come to terms with my 2 major weaknesses. big boys and cheese.

so lars, i've decided you wouldnt have been the icing.

you're the cake. :-)

10 bands you've seen live
jars of clay
al denson
qp3
green room
herman
......
......um
isb?
i'm a loser

9 things you're looking forward to:
fall break
seeing RENT again
seeing lars and that face of his
my fish developing regualr eating habits
no longer "waiting patiently" for...the one
may 10 :-)
the things i've been "sure" of....finally coming to pass
being fluent in spanish
not being cold anymore


8 things that you wear daily:
jeans
t shirt
sweatshirt
socks - always
sneakers that make me taller
lipstick
blistex silk & shine chapstick
ck escape


7 things that annoy you:
cheerleaders
my lack of self-discipline
pink
judgemental and condemning Christians
people who have never heard of rent
being so far from atlanta
PEPSI CO.


6 things you touch every day:
pillows
phone
face
hair
drugs
i would say alarm clock...but...i don't


5 things you do every morning
apologize to emily
wash my face
brush my teeth
drugs
read my Bible



4 people you'd like to spend more time with:
Jesus
mi amigo lars
old friends from atlanta - and they know who they are
the group from back in the day....duluth crew thats all spread out




3 movies you could watch over and over
moulin rouge
harvey
pretty woman


2 of your favourite songs at the moment:
sweet home alabama
please remember


1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
wow. too scared to answer.

so tomorrow three of my friends are driving to alabama. happy birthday to kirsten! but anyway, i'm trying not to worry about the fact that they will be driving straight through this tropical depression...but.....do not be anxious about anything, but in everything present your requests to the Lord. no fear! porque el Señor es el Espíritu, y donde está el Espíritu del Señor, allí hay libertad. freedom!

i was so close to going home this weekend. see my parents before they go to tanzania.....sara groves concert saturday night....see my friends.....leave wilmore for awhile. who knows, maybe i'll still go.

so what do you do if your fish is anorexic? for whatever reason, en fuego [aka bertil] doesn't want to eat. we give him the little fishie pellets and he either just stares at them or gets one in his mouth and spits it right back out.
.........lars, your namesake needs a little encouragement.